You see stupidity, I observe the utter destruction of depression

Oops and here it goes.  The road often traveled moves from A to D incredibly quickly and not even scary for me anymore.  Screw you, I can do this on my own and even if I can’t, what universe feels a blip?

Harsh and uncaring to those who love me most, the shutters close at a speedy rate.   Forever practical, I plan for the days off work, I plan for re-negotiating the half-sale of my house to my new and committed husband. In other words, no.  And at a far, far emotional distance witness the destruction I create with my words and actions. I become that person who people tiptoe around and don’t understand. I buy cigarettes after two years of being a forever-non-smoker and take the fourth Xanor for the day with my vodka.  The triggers are clear, my reactions predictable, and yet the short-cut to A to D and onto E are familiar and comforting. I am good on my own and if not, well, checking-out and f-u is a viable option.

All this housed within a go-getting, worldly, successful corporate Mom. So banal and middle class. And for Gods sake don’t introduce me to God again.

Let’s see how small I can become.